Thursday, April 14, 2011 Hip Spica Cast
It's dreadfully aweful having to retell this story. I feel so guilty everytime- feeling like I'm the worst mom ever! I can't believe it happened. Hallee fell down the stairs and cracked her left femur. I'll never forget that sinking feeling that I got when I was rushing to the bottom of the stairs, too late, seeing her crying and distorted little body on the floor. I cringe when I think about what must have been running through her mind as she was tumbling, bumping, hurting all the way down..."Where is someone to help me? Mom?!" That thought replayed in my head for at least the first 3 days, and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. A one year old should never have to go through this. And it was so preventable. And that's why I feel SO guilty.
But it did happen. I was babysitting a couple other little girls and we all were just finishing lunch. I remember I saw still at the table trying to pick up a few dishes and I really did think I had Hallee in the corner of my eye. I knew she was headed toward the stairs, why didn't I head over there right then too?! Well, I have my excuses, but they mean nothing to me now of course. She often goes over to the stairs and just kind of hangs out at the bottom babbling baby talk (like she's talkingn to the kids upstairs) and then she'll come back to hang out with me. She usually is following me all over the place. And so I've kind of got into habbit of just letting her go over to the stairs and not been right there. This time was different though. From our kitchen table you can see the side of the stairs and so I really thought she was in my consious, but somehow I did miss how high she had ventured up, or I really would have gone over there.
From my angle I didn't see exactly what initated the fall. In hind sight, I really wonder if the two 5 year olds, Lucy and her friend, might have bumped her. I did see the flash of color starting to go down the stairs, and it did look like it came from the same area where the older girls were. Also, they actually disappeared after seeing Hallee fall like they felt like they were going to get in trouble for something. I think they would have come to see what happened if it had been something unrelated to them going upstairs. But, I'm not blaming them in any way. Even if they did kind of help her start falling, it was I'm sure an accident. They should not feel blame, as I really should have been there with Hallee so high up the stairs.
So, then what happened? She just beat me to the bottom of the stairs and I hesitated for a brief moment to assess if I should pick her up, and decided I would. Her leg did look a little out of place, so I was quite worried. The next few minutes, she screamed but at the same time she seemed to be calming down. She let me change her diaper, and she cuddled with her pink blanket. I decided (since I was still babysitting too) that I would go ahead and put her down for a nap. The next few hours were very unsettling. I tiptoed in to check on her like 3 or 4 times. I didn't see any swelling, any color changes, still breathing... maybe she's in the clear I thought. Then she started waking up from her nap. She was upset, I could tell. The biggest worry to me was that she didn't try and stand up in her crib. I picked her up and she let out a scream and I could tell her body was just so tense. She gripped my shoulder like she was in pain.
I knew I needed help as soon as possible. I feel so blessed to have a friend in our ward who is so super cool. I called her up, she changed all her plans and took the older kids right away. Bless her heart. I never worry about the kids with her, she is an awesome mom. We drove over to her house, which the whole time Hallee was completely content, even happy. I almost decided not to go to the ER afterall. So, I picked her up out of her carseat to go into the house. Then, it came again, that screaming, tense, gripping my shoulder. Yeah. My friend's husband gave Hallee a blessing, then headed out (totally forgeting any needs that my kids might need if I'm gone til late in the night. Which I was gone til the next afternoon. Like I said, she is an awesome mom! My head was not thinking reality.)
Thankfully, the carseat position was comfortable for Hallee, so she was content during the drive to the ER and even in the waiting room as her carseat just went right inot the stroller. The ER did get us in right away, which made the screaming start because they had to ahve her picked up and weighed and looked at, etc., etc. They took one xray and said it showed nothing. Which made me panic a little more. Then they decided to take a shot at the same place but from a different angle. That's when they say the crack. They said it was a "good crack" because it didn't upset the position of the bone at all, thus it wouldn't affect her long term bone length or strength, also, it would heal pretty quickly requiring the body only to "fill in" the crack so to speak. Once they figured out what needed to be done, they put a splint on, and Hallee seemed more comfortable. But that's when I started to get drilled for abuse and neglect. That was pretty aweful. It's kind of frustrating to not look innocent because there's no "evidence" supporting me and when in essence I was to blame. But I never wanted her to get hurt! The ER staff was nice and the nurse was reasurring saying that none of them felt like I was suspect for abuse or anything, they just had to do these kindof investigations according to law.
It was a long night. Hallee would do random cries and screams as she unpeacefully slept, waiting for the next morning when her cast couuld be put on. I didn't sleep a wink. I couldn't with her screams, but I was pretty upset myself. It was about 8:30am when they finally had everything in place for her to go down and get her cast on. I was feeling aweful. My back was killing me from holding her so much of the last 8 hours, and my arms were jello. The ER staff was nice and pulled from their lunches to give me something to eat- a peanut butter flatbread sandwich and a cliff bar. It was great actually. The ortho doctor made the suggestion to have Hallee not put under sedation because the bone was not out of place and didn't need to be adjusted. I was greateful for that even if it meant Hallee might be more consious of pain while the cast was put on. She basically did scream for 15 minutes straight, bloody murder, while they were starting the procedure. I think evenutally she just got tired of screaming, and I was able to sneak a corner of her pink blanket to her, so she quieted down and sucked her thumb. She sucked her thumb A LOT that night actually! I'm secretly very glad she was a thumb sucker from this experience.
They finsihed upt he cast, took a picture to make sure the bones looked right. Then, we were almost done. The hospital wanted to see her diet normally and make sure a car seat was in place and then we could go. We went back to pediatrics and had lunch- good for both of us :). The head nurse said she actually had a fracture car seat we could borrow. So I got that put in fine and then was able to get out of the hospital at about 2pm. We picked up the other kids and headed home.
We got home to a chilled house with no electricity! I had forgot to pay the bill! Oh gosh, what a spas i can be! I quickly called to get it set straight and thankfully they were ale to trun on the electricity in a couple hours. I was calling all my neighbors for the number to call and it was quite embarassing!
It's been a little over a week now.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011 Big Baby
I can't believe how long it's been since my last entry! This was supposed to be a once a week kind of project, lol, oh well!
I had this thought the other day as I was watching Hallee- she was doing some cute things that made me feel like she's transitioning into toddler age and not so much a baby (she's still my baby, I guess she's just a big baby ;)
and I thought, oh Jeremy is missing this (again)! Jeremy left 5 days after Hallee was born, gone for 6 months, then he was with her for about 6 months, and now he's been gone again. Guess there is just so much change that first year or two, huh?! Well, some of the cute things she does that I love--
She loves to play with the buckles and straps on her high chair. She's really trying hard to figure them out. And she's done it a few times too. I don't remember my other kids trying so hard to learn that until they were older, like two years old. It seems quite dexerous for a one year old. She actually makes me smile when she holds a crayon too. It is so grown up- she pinches it perfectly between thumb and forefinger, the other 3 fingers raised slightly. It's so dainty. Not at all like Willie, who still hold his crayons with the whole clenched fist. :)
Hallee has resisted walking completely. She's not really tried to step out on her own, and even when I hold her hands and try to walk with her, she just jello-s her legs and goes nowhere. Silly girl. She loves her fast crawl. I'm a little bit nervous just because learning to walk is going to take her to deal with that scariness a little bit til she gets the hang of things. She's such a baby, and the older she gets the more she resist facing that scariness, I think. She's always been the more clingy-kind of baby, loves to have one hand on Mommy, or at least in sight, you know? Hmm, we'll see. I guess a new baby will force some change on her for sure!
TUESDAY. JANUARY 25. 2011 1ST POST
Hallee is jumped feet first into that playful baby/toddler age. She loves to empty out cupboards/containers/purses/etc.
She makes a "voom" sound and rolls cars back and forth.
She likes Peek a boo, and will play along.
She loves to find buttons to push.
She has alos learned to sign some words. It's so fun to watch her communicate.
-More
-Please
-Up
-Drink (baba)
-All done!
-Hi